dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
