Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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