he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
