Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
