I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
