Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
