If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
