Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize