My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
