Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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