I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
