My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
