I am in a vortex of obligation.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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