Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize