Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
