What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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