Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
50% drunk capacity currently
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
