you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Even my vagina gasped.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
