He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
