yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
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