Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
