it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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