so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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