Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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