I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
