Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
