I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
