Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
