after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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