Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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