Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
