What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
