Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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