Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
