I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
