you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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