I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
