Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
