i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize