fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She bit a glass in half.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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