Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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