life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
