I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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