well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
