So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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