hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
