my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
