Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
