He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize