Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
