He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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