If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
