my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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