you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
