FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
