Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just puked most of my soul out..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
