YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
