Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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