hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
