Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
