when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
