I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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