mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
