There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize