If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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