i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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