Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
