i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He has the fingertips of a God
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