can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
