We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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