So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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