I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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