It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
