Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
