we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
