There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
